So in a society where we spend more, to throw away more it's too easy to do the same with relationships. For much of my life I kept most of my friendships and even my family on the outskirts of my heart so if I needed to I could quickly vote them off the island I kept so guarded. I did this as a defense to keep from being hurt and it worked. Sounds safe right?
The only issue was I couldn't/wouldn't let people touch my heart or my feelings in order to preserve my safety. I moved out and ran away more times than I can remember and hurt my family so bad just trying to make people, and myself, think they couldn't hurt me.
I was able to quit pushing people away, when i quit running from me...
I had so much hurt and bitterness suffocating my emotions, that was a sickness I couldn't cure. I still remember one night laying on the floor at Oxygen, Jeanne's Youth Group in Atlanta. I was crying from my gut because I was so broken.
By the end of that night, I realized by keeping the world at bay I had kept God there with them. So, I begin living out that realization by opening up and allowing people to see and feel both the junk and the jewels of in my heart.
It's still not easy.
Just because you learn the lesson doesn't mean you don't repeat the grade... I still have to go back and work through havoc I reeked in a lot of relationships, but God is faithful.
Now, does that mean now that the world is no longer dispensable in my eyes that I too am indispensable to the world? No. But, I read a quote today on a friend's wall, that's something quite common here at MCATL, it said, "Let the world feel the weight of who you are."
I may get thrown away a million times but I will choose to let love make it's mark every step of the journey...
Posts
Wow! woe! It's true i mean the INDISPENSABLE PART. Life can do that. People can do that. Think of Paul or Jeremiah, or JESUS. They know not what they do? That's hard to swallow. But the truth is, it can only keep me from making my mark, leaving a legacy, or fulfilling the dash between two dates. My walls do not and cannot protect me, they only imprison me. My world loses the purpose i was sent to them for and i lose the reward, i mean the real reward: LIVING LIFE AND LOVING IT! People are just that, PEOPLE, of which i am one, too.What about those i have walked out on, or walked on, or walked right over. It cannot be about me. It must be about HIM and them. Sooo, i must receive HIS love and approval and then give MY love to the same degree. While it won't stop pain from happening, it will give me the POWER to LET THE WORLD FEEL THE WEIGHT OF WHO I AM. Even my junk can make others a jewel, and my jewels can be a setting to make their jewels shine brighter. BECAUSE CHRIST DID, i will choose to do the same. Every step of the journey i will allow others in and will leave steps for others who will walk behind.
ReplyDeletewondering...Does Rob Bell buy trash bags for his trash receptacle or simply wash them out every week and give that money to the poor? umm.....
ReplyDelete"I may get thrown away a million times but I will choose to let love make it's mark every step of the journey"
ReplyDeleteGod is faithful.