confession.

i know that for some "feeling" God or the need to "feel" God is usually interpreted as immaturity in our Christian walk. for me i think i realized why it matters to me sometimes that i feel God.

it isn't that i question God or if He is real. i think it is...

i want to "feel" God not because i don't know if He is there, i just need to know that He knows i am here...

ever feel like you did a side step or missed God? it is for me in those moments where i am screaming out, "God i know you had a perfect place but i messed it up, again, and i should probably be way over there but i chose to go here and now i need to know you know i am here and i goofed because i want to end up where you want me."

you're probably way past that stage but for me i think it is that i am understanding a little better why i look to "feel" God in those stages of regret.

Bishop Jakes says, "regret is bring the power of your past into your present." that's a very scary thing and it can weigh us down. it is in those moments we look for the strength of God to carry not just our regrets but carry us through.

moments like these, i want to feel, hear, taste, or even smell God... not to know He is there, but to simply remember that He knows that i am here.

3am thoughts.

ok i am still at the beginning of this journey called life because i'm 23 and still learning alot. something hit me though about 3 AM this morning.

alright, this is still processing in my head so i hope it doesn't look like a "where's waldo" gag where we never find waldo, ha.

we face many "similar" situations in life.

when i take time to reflect on a situation in the past before dealing with it again in my future it directly affects my feelings and emotions and sometimes my decisions about where i am headed.

the plus i see is when i walk through a situation positively.

the negative, obviously, is when the result of the past situation is negative.

ok here's what hit me! if i can choose to rule out the "feeling" about a past circumstance that was negative and apply words and actions learned from it then, in essence the bad can be my good.

(basic math is a negative minus a negative produces a positive)

so, if i choose to subtract my negative emotion from a negative situation... the lesson learned can be productive (positive) in my life.

we constantly ask God to turn that which was meant for bad for our good. could it be that He has enabled us, also, to take some janky situations we've faced and allow them to propel us toward greatness?

like i said, i am still starting the journey and maybe you knew this simplistice thought forever ago. still though, what in your future do you face that your "feelings" are negative based on your past? not in all situations but maybe in this one your about to face, can you reflect on the past and that to prepare a victory for your future? i know for me, just to feel a fighting chance can often change my (-) feeling to a (+) feeling.

so there it is. my "where's waldo" at 3am thoughts.

life.

so many things in scripture point to God's giving of life to us. from Genesis where He first breathed life, to the New Testament where Christ is the bread of life. it's amazing to me that after pondering so many things in scripture i have missed one thing that is spurring me on lately... He gives life!

in searching for direction in life or simply surviving it, i am reminded that He gives me life in the midst of everything. He can breathe into dry dead bones because after all He is life. He gives that which He was from the very beginning... alive. from before we were ever an after thought He was life and He chose to give it to us as a gift.

funny that life can be such a precious gift that we forget to appreciate.